Tomorrow  Friday on                 CLIMBING THE HOLLYWOOD LADDER.

 Have a call back  at 3:00 pm in Santa Monica for The  Homeless guy thing. How do i feel about it. well i was homeless a couple of times and well that desperate, hopeless, unloved emotion is easy to access and hard to put down. But that is what I do. it scares me sometimes how fast i can think a couple of thoughts and the emotion is rite there as if it is really happening

It still confirms to me if you don't like how you feel Change your thoughts and your emotions will follow.
"All emotion's are created by a thought" or group of thoughts. Think About it.

 It is  always strange to me to walk in a room with 5 or 7 Ad executives, some writers, the clients of the product, and a director a camera man and the casting dir some times there are 10 people in the room. ya walk in looking like complete Shit.  say Hello trying to let them know that your reasonably intelligent. and not really homeless. .and put them at ease that they will not be off put having to spend the day with someone that looks like you do at the moment.
 ya ask a couple of questions to try and dial in what the Writer and director are after ya know whats between the words on the script.

 Most times there not looking at you there on there lap tops then everyone looks up from there laptops looking at your resume. Hopefully everything was spelled ok Lol Sean. and your pictures and the director says ok Frankie...... action.
 in THAT MOMENT you have to change,  very specific and very toxic thoughts start rushing through your head you drop the  person you are. and take yourself to a very dark, depressing, worthless place. and as your doing this your hyper conscious of the camera that is so close up on you. and that all eyes are absorbing every small thing you do. judging  feeling what your feeling. seeing you in one of the worst places a person can be in. Your worthlessness, despair,fear,pain. your Humanity raw and naked.  the part of us most hide. seeing you as a person. as you would be at your very bottom.

however you have to control your emotions you cant let a tear drop. or that lets em off the hook. so the emotional edge is very fine and controlled. to far you cry. not enough your not emotionally honest and engaging

When the scene is over. there is always this heaviness in the air.  I usually crack a Joke or something to let them off the hook. its always so heavy. it lets them off and me as well just in case i have to do it again with adjustments. most directors or i think good ones will give ya a change to see if you can take direction and make little tweaks in your performance.. They ask you to do it again or just say thank you. and ya leave the room most don't look at ya. as you leave there usually back to there computers  or trying to take a break from the emotion's you just forced them to experience.

 For me it just dose not turn off fast. Some actors just turn it off and walk out the door. as i leave i always see the look on the other actors faces as i go buy. they look like every kid does as someone leaves the principals office  that is emotionally wrecked.

 For me it's hard to drop it stays rite under the surface. i remember  on Set after the first take on the boost mobile bill from hell job when i first started beating the door. when  Simon The Director said. cut I was shaking and the tears began to fall. i was so dam angry and furious that he would not open the door. The crew looked at me funny. like why is he crying???  the human mind is soooo powerful i often wonder if as people, human's emotional creatures. if its healthy to keep ourselves in a state of mind like that for 12 hrs at a time.? but i guess we as people Do that sometimes for days or months even years. depression must be horrible

 Me i just have to be silly. Its the only way i  can counter balance I guess. i always wonder what they say to each other when i walk out of the room after the emotional bomb ill drop on them tomorrow?  im sure its something like Dam or Ok or well that's interesting i sometimes stop and think of all the emotional resonance, little pieces of my heart my life  i have left in rooms all over Hollywood lol. ok  thats a little dramatic  but i said i would be honest in regards to my thoughts and feelings here. as actors we dont pretend we live a moment and experience it as if it is real. ok i wont speak for all but i do. its the only honest way i know .

Get the job or not. ill do what i do and leave them with my pain my rawness my agony.
after all they asked me to. ive found most that watch something like that are very disturbed and want to look away the same as people do when we pass it on the street. lol  but in Hollywood  at my  job they have to look to see to feel. sometimes at callbacks with clients and  producers there is a big glass window with a curtain and they are behind it with the curtain drawn and they watch it on a monitor. I asked  a casting Director years ago why?

she told me that some don't really understand actors and it makes them uncomfortable starring.

Lol What do you do for a Living Frankie" ?

Im a character Actor

 Im  professional at making people Really Uncomfortable

 Then i go out to Glendale and pick up some wardrobe i purchased at an auction. and my fog machine i left on the set on the ICAS job the Morgan Freeman's company thing i did a couple of months ago.

That;s going to be my day. Singing  Thank god its FRIIIIIDAYYYYY. the weekend off.

then on Monday a callback for another commercial where a couple of Wise guys are pointing guns at my head and i have to beg for my life

lol  what happened to my plan?   I was supposed be a ROCK STAR???????.
 but that's another story

Always your Hollywood bad guy      Frankie Ray

Climbing the Hollywood Ladder.

One emotional rung at a time.